Video of Steve Powers’ Waterboard Thrill Ride

MY LATEST CRUSH

these crushes are far more satisfying then any of my true life crushes. They are man of infinite possibility and will never stop my heart by saying thing like " i am dating other girls..." or " i am not interested in a girlfriend right now." I want to go the rest of my life never hearing those sentences again, i want all my girlfriends to ever go another day hearing a man say that, but i will, and they will. men say these things and act sick for saying it. girls hear them and each play their part in it. all are hurt but some are better then others at pretending they are better with it. i am a terrible actress, my eye are too big. even when slack i give away too much of my emotions. I never made a man cry.

300 Profile Veiws

I have a flickr account that as of today has had 4,363 veiws. Though this tally only counts the number of times when an image in one of my sets has been clicked. So 4,363 times someone has clicked on one of the 2, 613 photos i have posted on flickr to get a closer look at them.
my profile on blogger says my profile has been viewed over 300 times. It doesn't give a count of how many times a particular post has been read or how many readers a week you get. so for all i know 300 time someone has happen upon my blog, 300 time for all someone has actually read anything i wrote.
or maybe just one person keeps looking at my profile over and over again hoping to find new details in it.
on occasion the most random people confess to reading my blog. confess to being amused by some bit of it or intrigued by the openness of it at times. but to this day not one of the 300 has ever commented in writing on my blog.
Now i occasionally peek at other people i knows blogs, but most of them feel like filler. just filled space with very little personal refection or original content. there is a whole ring of people in LA from my college with tumbler.blogs which seem useless to me. they are just collages of tid bits from other peoples writing or things they found online. they are all linked to one another and seem to exist mainly so not to be the only one without a blog in their circle. they are shallow profiles, and say little about them as creative people. too bad because many of them are highly opinionated and at time humorous, seems a waste. a poor reflexion of their perspectives.
I wonder if people don't comment on my site because they believe it will inhibit my writing. i will be honest one time someone told me all about my blog and the reasons they liked it and i had difficulty writing in for a time after that. i had this sudden understanding of expectations. i kept starting and stopping posts, leaving saved versions of thing i never published. felt a responsibility to my readers, but i didn't know what that responsibility was. i mean it not exactly the Huffington Post i am putting together here, hell i am not even a Tucker MAx. I have no focus.
I write everyday, an hour everyday. either in a journal, here, or in long letter to friends. you'd think i would be a better writer for this dedication but i am highly inconsistent person by nature. so even when disciplined at something, there is this odd undisciplined quality to my work. I like to say i am organic, my art is organic, my writing is organic, like vines or roots in the earth you cannot expect it to develop in a set pattern or understanding. it just kind of grows and takes on a life of it own.
i do wish i had some feedback, an understanding of where these thoughts go, but perhaps i am taking for granted the mystery. the romantic idea boys i have crushes on secretly read my thought, or perhaps someone whom knew me once peripherally enjoys it from time to time and was inspired to write more themselves. reflex more on it all.
well can be worried with all that. i love the feeling a keys clicking. i love those rare moments where i get syntactic and grammar close to correct. i love the few sentence i make that get my thought right.
i learned long ago not to be too worried about what others think of you or else you'll never get anything done.

YO LA TENGO IS FROM JERSEY?

Yo La Tengo one of those band name i recognize and whenever mentioned i would fake knowing there music so not to show how absolutely lame i am when it comes to knowing anything about current music.
I've heard them mentioned, perhaps even heard parts of their music in friends short films or on the Myspace pages of boys i had crushes on . But i had no idea who they were.
Actually , until today i didn't even know what they looked like and was surprised to see three unassuming looking white people over the age 30 take the stage at McCarren Pool. i didn't even know they weren't a Latin band. yes, make fun of me.
It was the last free concert of the summer and perhaps forever at McCarren Pool . Yo La Tengo headlined and were opened by 2 acts. The first was an amazing performance by Ebony Bones, a colorful verbose performer from the Uk backed by an equally colorful band and backup singers. she took the stage with her mix of African and punk rock influences and blended them into an energetic performance in the midday sun. While her audience lazily sat on free mats and baked in the cracking old pool, stripping away layers of clothing, some even in just bathing suits. She and her back up singers performed decked in the most amazing dresses made out of African fabrics paired with vibrant colored tights and they were not slowed down one bit. If the sun wasn't so oppressive at that time of day i don't doubt the audience would have been more active but i was my second bottle of water and i even though i loved her i could barely leave my spot on the cement.
Ebony was followed by a Jersey band,Titus Andronicus. Whom were very grateful to be sharing the stage soon to be played on by home state heroes Yo La Tengo but other then their lead singer commendable efforts at showmanship and rock energy i couldn't help feeling like i was watching a high school band. that lead singer did very much keep up an impressive amount of energy, at one point during a high energy song he took sissors to the scruff of his face and started cutting away bit and throwing them into the wind. i think he intended to give them to the audience but the wind just kept blowing the hair back behind him right into the drummers face.
For one song he invited his "partner" up on stage to sing with him. A lumpy awkward girl who looked like someone i was in band with get on a mike, he grabs her hand and raises her arm announcing " love concurs all". She was completely drowned out by the lead singers vocals. I don't even know if her mike was on.
Her arms were clenched to her sides as she moved her hip forwards to the beat trying but not coming any where near the psychotic and barely entertaining energy her boyfriend had. now to be fair, perhaps she she just an incredibly shy girl and love really did concur all. maybe love got her to take this huge leap out of her comfort zone and sing in front of a huge audience or strangers.
that actually would be very sweet and amazing. but sitting in the hot sun having just saw an amazing act and very eager to finanly understand who Yo La Tengo was, i was not in the most sensitive Judd Apatow appreciating moment.
When Yo La Tengo came on as i said, first i was struck by the fact they were not as multiracial, colorful, or hip looking as their first opening act. they indeed just looked like regular folks from Jersey. But then they played their first song.
And what tehy looked like or the thought of what musican for hip bands should look like feel out of my mind and hopefully forever.
I was taught an important lesson in artisty. In the truth of real musicans.
The first song it went on forever, first there were lyrics, but it was just the bassist and the drummer keeping the tempo and bass line going and going while the guitarist/ lead vocals would be overcome with these fits of rock godliness.
he was just whaling on his guitars, at first i didn't know if he was mad or frustrated or was having an epileptic fit while making this amazing wild sound. it went on for what felt like forever, at some point you couldn't ever try and dance or move to the music you could only spectate.
I felt this wild range of emotions while viewing this none assuming person transform into something musically godly. I was impressed obviously, but at moments a little overcome, scared even, jealous of course, and strangely a little sad.
You could feel it, the sound, perhaps it was just the crafty manipulation of the men behind the curtain, the sound booth making noise even more an entity. but you felt it, not meteorically but physically it hit you, pounded on my chest, beat on my heart, when i recognized this i grasped my chest and my friend beside me leaned over she asked me if i too could feel it there.
SOme songs you could almost feel it in your bowels. it reminded me of a Intro to Sound lesson where the professor insisted there was a frequency in music that when heard could cause people to lose control of their bowels. I remembered this and thought for a moment it was funny and then genuinely for a second worried this amazing physical connection i was feeling to sound could go too far.
I was fine as was the rest of the crowd, but you imagine. what event in music history. why hasn't anyone tried this before? how much much possibility is there to that happening? i am going to research this.
The three would mix it up, switch instruments with equal equity. this was a sign of true musician, person whom were really about the music and no one had the ego to claim any one spot in the glory of the sound.
This was the difference between good band and great one, perhaps it was age or just their character but either way it was something to respect.
I thought of my crush i knew he was and fan and now understood why, it seem now make me like him more in a moment i was most needing to not think of him with interest. the drama queen that i am this bitter sweet love lorn moment added to the amazingness of the the performance.
It was a great concert to bid farewell to the pool as a concert venue. Its of great controversy that they now intend to return the pool to being a pool. The debate between the locals has begun, the youth and gentrification culture vs. the local history. An argument being that as a free local swimming pool again a certain element, will bring the crime back to what it was when the it was a pool before. i find this to be an extremely demeaning and insulting view mainly argued but spoiled youth that has taking over the area driving the rent out range of the local community and causing it to be over come by the spill off of Williamsburg hipters. ok ok i cannto write my objection to this now...it wil be a long distrib about my opinion on hidden republicanism, spoiled youth culture masqurading as bohemians while living off mom and dad, thinly vailed racism.
bottom line YO LA TENGO rules....i am in awe and i feel as though i lived a life of Ramon noodles and now i have tasted ...uuuuuummmm amazing tasting noodles....lol.
Yo La Tengo did make a good point though about the lose of the pool, with one less free concert venue we will soon be making are way over the bridge and tunnels to Jersey more for concert. Which was just fine by them. They even contributed to the filling of the pool by each pouring a bottle into the pool. A display that only shows how loved they were by the audience since the concert was also a rally to fight the changing of the pool, and no one booed and showed any negative response to this action.
Also the concert had another amusing point when during the encore performance the band invited Titus Andronicus to play with them and the singer once again trying his best at showman ship some how always coming off like a crazy homeless person, draped the lead singer of Yo La Tengo with a flag of Jersey in the style of James Brown a the end of one his sets. I t was a an adorable show of Jersey pride.

Ebony Bones like Harry Potter with a Vagina

Freaks go to Winter

I have long had an infatuation with life and history circus freaks. I know this isn't such a rare interest. I have met plenty of punky little boys and girls who like to read about the exploitive and oddly fascinating life of freak shows. BUt my interest isn't like slowing down to watch a train wreck. this interest is not a voyeuristic novelty. what really enamors me about freaks isn't a quirky need to find beauty in the grotesque i often find is what other "fans" are about. What most fascinates me about the human oddity is that for all the diversity of humanity, world cultures, cultural aesthetics, people are essentially... biological all the same. the same cookie cutter shape. whether your a fat American or a shapely Latina from south America or Nordic beauty. The Freak just doesn't fit the mold. they turn the idea of average on it side and show that though the human body is a simple well functioning machine it can work just as well without a piece here or there, or even with a few extra pieces.
A place i very much want to visit it the town of Gibsonton, Florida.

Gibsonton was famous as a sideshow wintering town, where various circus "freaks" would spend the off season. It is an unincorporated town with a population that was about 8,000 in the 2000 census.
I first discovered Gibsonton from an X-Files episode "Humbug."
Dean Koontz book Twilight Eyes featured a character who sought refuge in the circus community and came back to "Gibtown" with them.
Gibsonton is roughly 75 miles south of Disney World and 20 miles away from Tampa’s Busch Gardens.
Classic freak show performer founded the town. They would do shows all summer and then in the winter the alligator boy would work as the town sheriff while his wife the donkey girl answer the phones.
sure the legacy of the town interesting but really the normalcy of it all is what make me most want to go there. i know that it is will most likely be like most unincorporated towns in the south . A sad dilapidated place bordering on this absurd on how boring and backwood it can be. But Gibsonton calls to me. Its like my mecca...i must go there.


season close.